safe sex, safe cycling

So the other day I was biking on a ‘civilian bike path’ (aka people walking all over the BIKE path and ‘cyclists’ trolling around) and a mother and her two children were on bicycles up ahead from me.

Incapable of going more than 5 MPH

Now, my first thought was – ‘yay! Momma takin’ her kids on out a bike ride, all exercising together and cycling’. Then I did my quick ‘safety check’. Both kids had helmets on – momma did not! Granted, she was on a bike that is incapable of going more thanร‚ย 5 MPH, but as a role model, shouldn’t she be wearing a helmet?

Then I started to observe cyclists while driving around town – no one wears a freakin’ helmet in Los Angeles!! Especially those under 25 years old. This was confirmed when I posted to my Facebook, asking the same question. People SCOFFED! SCOFFED!!

Do you put a condom on when you have sex with strangers? If not, then you are probably the type that doesn’t bike with a helmet!

Let’s compare how going “bareback” with disreputable partners* is like cycling without a helmet:


  • It might feel better during the act, but it takes one STD/car/open herpes sore/pothole to really ruin your day.
  • You are afraid that it’s not “sexy” to bust out the condom. It’s not sexy to have your head splattered on the curb, either, y0. Or admit you have the herp. Also, I have photographic evidence that you can be sexy while wearing a helmet (see Vanderkitten shot, below).
  • You claim condoms and/or helmets are uncomfortable. OK, they are. It sure DOES feel nice to have the wind in your hair or your junk uhh.. in the air, but again – what’s more uncomfortable – condom/helmet or itchburn/brain splat?
  • Another thing that annoys me is seeing kids bike around with helmets on that are not strapped! The straps are just dangling in the wind, waiting for the helmet to fly off. This is akin to poking holes in your condoms, or having a condom tear on you because you’ve been carrying it in your wallet since high school.
  • I think I exhausted the condom analogies, so please post a comment if you think of another. ๐Ÿ™‚
  • As promised, here is a picture of how a helmet can be sexy, vanderkitten style:***

    Liz Hatch, you make helmets look great!!

    And I feel obligated to ensure ya’ll know your helmet should be “standing at attention” (hardee har har), not slopped back half hazardly so your forehead can get some air:

    This is why helmets are perceived as dorky

    * I am not calling your own personal bicycle a disreputable partner. And if it is, please get it checked out and/or maintained.
    ** Do not google images using keywords like ‘naked cyclists’ or ‘bareback cyclists’. The results are really ugly. I will have nightmares tonight.
    *** Please note that wearing a helmet will not make you look like her. Ever. Or I would be wearing a helmet 24/7

    13 thoughts on “safe sex, safe cycling

    1. I think the X Games and Tony Hawk with his video games have gone a long way to make helmets a lot cooler. Tony Hawk would almost be unrecognizable without his helmet. So at least opt for the "skater" style helmet ala Tony Hawk if you think the "road" style ala Lance Armstrong is too dorky. It is like buckling your seat belt, except that you don't have thousands of pounds of metal protecting you.

    2. LOVED the entry and irks me that adults, adultsss!!! Who should know better don't!! Also, please note that if you're riding a bike and NOT insured then you will be a public burden when your head hits the pavement. So please, wear a helmet.

    3. I've been guilty of riding cruisers without a helmet ๐Ÿ™

      Liz Hatch *****DROOOOOOOOOOL******** I have to go to the restroom now

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