(Sung to the tune of Are you Lonesome Tonight by Elvis
Are you social tonight
When you ride on tonight
Are you sorry they dropped you on the ride
Does your memory stray to a bright sunny day
When we all biked down the street
Does the bike seat seem hard and cruel
Do you gaze at the road and picture me there
Is your heart filled with pain, shall I come back again
Tell me dear, are you social tonight
My bolo tie. One of the cow horns snagged in my nose and it hurt.
So last night I worked up enough nerve to go hang out with a local social cycling group. The theme was ‘Western’, so I dug out a bolo tie and cowboy shirt (both bought in Texas so they are .. gen-u-wine), locked myself out of the house without my helmet, and was on my way! (I used the commuter bike, not my touring bike).
Now, there are many different types of GROUPS out there, for each sport. For cycling you have:
1. Road racers: Usually skinny hipped doods in nice spandex doing 26 MPH and too elite to say ‘on your left’
2. Road bikers: I clump myself in this group. Not so skinny hipped, doing about 18-22 MPH, polite enough to say ‘on your left‘. Spandex may or may not match
3. Bikers: There are many subdivisions here. “Fixies”*, beach cruiser type people, social cyclists (usually activists)
4. MTB: Mountain / trail bikers. Something I know very little about and hope to learn more about this summer
5. Commuters: The brave and bold that bike to work
I learned a few things on this ride:
1. Non cycling clothes suck to bike in. soggy cotton eww
2. I don’t like biking 5-7 MPH in a large group
3. It is fun having a boombox blaring out music
4. I seemed to be the only person with a well packed bike bag
5. I thought people would be more.. social. No one really talked to me but I DID see a dood effectively pick up a chick. You go, dood.
I know a few runners read this blog. Are there “runner” sub-groups out there? Do you get judged if you are wearing like.. Nike vs. Adidas?
Cyclists – did I miss a subgroup? Do you ride often with any ‘social’ group?
*Will have a separate post to deal with the ‘fixie’ issue.
On my trek fiddy two, bumpin’ down tha street
Sunshine’s out ta get me and burn my sexy meat
Protectin’ my sweet necessities with my fly accessories
To avoid that lobstah* action and get a pimp reaction
w3rd
So I posted about what to carry in your bike bag, but what about on your own being (this is why bike jerseys have giant pockets in the back!) or apply prior to your ride (*cough sunblock and chamois cough*)?
I won't leave the house without this stuff
A. Helmet
B. Road ID**
C. Sunblock. Seriously.
D. Solid Food
E. Gelatinous food (aka Gel, Goo)
F. ARM covers!!!
G. Chamois cream 
H. Optional: Heart Rate Monitor
Don't let this happen to you
Think I harp on too much about sun block in all my posts? The image to the right was taken TWO MONTHS after the burn happened. I was lobster red. I foolishly did not put on ANY sunblock, went for a 50+ mile ride (and bonked, by the way) and ended up with the most horrific tan line evah. Then I went to the pool at the gym and was laughed at by young adults, which is apparently nothing new for me.
The moral of my tale of woe is to wear sunblock. Even if it’s cloudy. There are sun protecting arm covers out there, they are amazing. I don’t leave home without them anymore.
Is there any gear/apparel you refuse to leave home without? What is it?
*I am from New England so I can totally drop that ‘r’ in lobster.
**Ever since I got the Road ID, I have felt SO much safer riding around (I ride long distances solo). I actually just wear it all the time now. What if I got hit while just crossing the street? I’m also a horrible driver – a serious car crash could happen any time! Essentially, you provide all your medical/health info on their site and paramedics/police/person who finds your body can call the number on your bracelet and find out your blood type/allergies/emergency contacts, etc. It also comes in pink.
So the other day I was biking on a ‘civilian bike path’ (aka people walking all over the BIKE path and ‘cyclists’ trolling around) and a mother and her two children were on bicycles up ahead from me.
Incapable of going more than 5 MPH
Now, my first thought was – ‘yay! Momma takin’ her kids on out a bike ride, all exercising together and cycling’. Then I did my quick ‘safety check’. Both kids had helmets on – momma did not! Granted, she was on a bike that is incapable of going more than 5 MPH, but as a role model, shouldn’t she be wearing a helmet?
Then I started to observe cyclists while driving around town – no one wears a freakin’ helmet in Los Angeles!! Especially those under 25 years old. This was confirmed when I posted to my Facebook, asking the same question. People SCOFFED! SCOFFED!!
Do you put a condom on when you have sex with strangers? If not, then you are probably the type that doesn’t bike with a helmet!
Let’s compare how going “bareback” with disreputable partners* is like cycling without a helmet:
WHERE ARE YOUR HELMETS?**
As promised, here is a picture of how a helmet can be sexy, vanderkitten style:***
Liz Hatch, you make helmets look great!!
And I feel obligated to ensure ya’ll know your helmet should be “standing at attention” (hardee har har), not slopped back half hazardly so your forehead can get some air:
This is why helmets are perceived as dorky
* I am not calling your own personal bicycle a disreputable partner. And if it is, please get it checked out and/or maintained.
** Do not google images using keywords like ‘naked cyclists’ or ‘bareback cyclists’. The results are really ugly. I will have nightmares tonight.
*** Please note that wearing a helmet will not make you look like her. Ever. Or I would be wearing a helmet 24/7
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