On my trek fiddy two, bumpin’ down tha street
Sunshine’s out ta get me and burn my sexy meat
Protectin’ my sweet necessities with my fly accessories
To avoid that lobstah* action and get a pimp reaction
w3rd
So I posted about what to carry in your bike bag, but what about on your own being (this is why bike jerseys have giant pockets in the back!) or apply prior to your ride (*cough sunblock and chamois cough*)?
I won't leave the house without this stuff
A. Helmet
B. Road ID**
C. Sunblock. Seriously.
D. Solid Food
E. Gelatinous food (aka Gel, Goo)
F. ARM covers!!!
G. Chamois cream 
H. Optional: Heart Rate Monitor
Don't let this happen to you
Think I harp on too much about sun block in all my posts? The image to the right was taken TWO MONTHS after the burn happened. I was lobster red. I foolishly did not put on ANY sunblock, went for a 50+ mile ride (and bonked, by the way) and ended up with the most horrific tan line evah. Then I went to the pool at the gym and was laughed at by young adults, which is apparently nothing new for me.
The moral of my tale of woe is to wear sunblock. Even if it’s cloudy. There are sun protecting arm covers out there, they are amazing. I don’t leave home without them anymore.
Is there any gear/apparel you refuse to leave home without? What is it?
*I am from New England so I can totally drop that ‘r’ in lobster.
**Ever since I got the Road ID, I have felt SO much safer riding around (I ride long distances solo). I actually just wear it all the time now. What if I got hit while just crossing the street? I’m also a horrible driver – a serious car crash could happen any time! Essentially, you provide all your medical/health info on their site and paramedics/police/person who finds your body can call the number on your bracelet and find out your blood type/allergies/emergency contacts, etc. It also comes in pink.
So you got a bike (hopefully) and you are ready to ride (hopefully).
Maybe you are going to brave cycling with a local bike club… or just tool around the neighborhood and try to go more than 5 miles from home. Sure, you want to pack your cell phone in case you need to reach out and call someone, but what else should you bring?
Note: Do NOT talk on your cell phone and bike at the same time. It’s dangerous. I should know. I was doing that one day and crashed. As I fell over I screamed “F-*****-CK!!!!” and then looked up to see a whole class of kindergarten age children on the sidewalk, staring at me. *guilt*
junk in my trunk, click to enlarge my booty
A. Spare tire tube
B. Tire patch kit
C. Tire levers (you can find them in PINK)
D. Key to house
E. CO2 cartridge (hand pump days are over! This is soo easy to use)
F. Expired license (or you can photocopy your license and carry that)
G. Sunblock (for touch ups, if on long ride)
H. Chamois cream for when you start out to only do 10 miles and then end up doing over 40 and need a uhhh “touch up”
I. Lil tool set – trust me, my cleat came loose in the middle of a century and I had to borrow a toolset from another rider. I promptly went and got a better tool set.
J. The bag. With a blinky light shoved onto the back. Trust me – just keep the blinky on there even if you are biking during the day. You never know when clouds will take over and/or you get stuck in the dark.
Did I miss anything? Is there anything you always carry in your bike bag?
Multi Use Kitten
Aight now this post is gonna be about cycling shorts. Not in a review-way, I’ll review specific brands and types later.
Ladies (and I think, gents), NO underwear with your cycling shorts, k? That causes extra friction, and your girl bits, they don’t like fabric rubbin up and rubbin raw.
Cycling shorts (and cycling bibs, which are more for doods who don’t have hips to hold up their shorts) are generally a spandex-y material that death grips your thighs (and makes your inner thighs bulge) and has a chamois (butt padding) insert.
Make sure padding covers your seat bones
Now cheap cycling shorts are going to have a thin chamois. Notice that your biking saddle is HARD? It SHOULD be very firm – if you sink down in your saddle, you will cut off blood circulation on long rides. My daily commuter bike has a plushy bum happy saddle. That is cuz I don’t ride more than a few miles on it. My touring bike has a freakin’ hard saddle (with a nice cut out so the girl bits can ‘fly with the wind’, if you will) so I wear my shorts with a rad GEL chamois (I really dig the gel) or a super padded one.
Also, you can smear your chamois cream (ie. BUTT’r) all up on that pad. PLEASE PLEASE you MUST wash those shorts after each wear!! And don’t loaf around in them after a ride – wash that germy noise!!
Now, I am generally adverse to tanning, but when you are on a 50+ mile ride, what you gonna do? TAN THOSE LEGS, GIRLS AND BOYS!
Sure, still put some sunblock on, but roll up those shorts as high as you are willing, and let the all over leg tan go. Even my guy friend rolled up his shorts to his ‘boxer short line’ so he wouldn’t have a weird tan line to freak out whatever sexy ladies end up in his bed.
BAD for tanning
Now, I DO try to buy the bootiest booty cycling shorts out there, but sometimes they are hard to find with a good lining. That is when you can just do the roll up technique. Don’t feel self conscious about having your thighs all hang out, cellulite and varicose veins. You only live once, ladies. And tanning helps hide imperfections. This way, you are doing TWO things at once:
1. Cycling your way to sexier legs
2. Tanning your way to sexier legs
Now, FYI, you may get honked and/or holla’d at. That is a good thing. It means your legs are being appreciated. Please note this may not apply to guys, but I will honk/holla at sexy biker guys. Ladies, do not be afraid to holla at hot men. Make them feel appreciated.
OK so here is the lesson – when choosing shorts, ensure that you choose first and foremost for comfort while cycling at the distance you want to cycle. You can always roll up later to get those sexy gams even sexier. And don’t forget the sunblock!!
clothing is generally not optional
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