Review: 3 Rules for How to Look Chic While Riding A Bike

Yup. That’s right. This is a review of an article I stumbled across on Yahoo that dictates how we can look chic on a bike.

I'm SO GODDAMN CHIC. In my jeans and sunglasses, with no helmet on a citibike.

I’m SO GODDAMN CHIC. In my jeans and sunglasses, with no helmet on a citibike.

Outfit One
I won’t include the cost of the stupid bike, because I assume you, dear reader, already has a bike. This trendy outfit will only set you back $823. Even though the pants will get snagged in the chain, and the KillSpencer (which is a backpacky type thing) will set you back the cost of a new bike, you too can be stylish like a Parisian!
Fuck this outfit. You can get at least 2 high end kits, gorgeous cycling shoes and a sweet helmet for that price.
stripes

Outfit Two
Things are getting worse. Wear light colors, barely there sandals and a long skirt on a bike? Do you WANT to be filthy? And are you biking at .5 MPH? How is that hate going to stay on your head? This outfit is built on stack of LIES. Whoever came up with this outfit has never been on a bike in their life. This just angers me.
The total cost of THIS outfit is only $3,817. By the way, I just checked – this article was written by a man. Dude. Seriously. No. YOU go put on a stupid white long skirt, dumb one shouldered crop top (since you don’t wear bras, you won’t even realize that doing even a mild activity like biking in a strapless bra is stupid) and that $1640 purse (which will slide around to your front while biking and get in your way) and give it a try. THEN update your article. I’m offended just reading this.

No.

No.

Outfit Three

Is this article a joke? It’s not on TheOnion.com so I guess we should take it seriously???
HEY PEOPLE DON’T GO BIKING WITHOUT YOUR LIPSTICK. Makes you go faster.

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So… what is YOUR favorite outfit to go biking in? 😛

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