Wherefore art thou, puncture in tube?

Yes yes, I know ‘wherefore’ means ‘why’, but I’m going to use it BOTH WAYS. Or as they say on the cooking shows, “wherefore, two ways’.

I went to go ride today and I had a flat tire. I’ve been having some fails in the bike maintenance department, so this just caused me to get really bummed.

My life is a flattire. One. Big. Flat. Tire.

My life is a flattire. One. Big. Flat. Tire.

I actually (slightly) resemble Winona Ryder and in my super spooky college days, I looked a bit like Lydia from Beetlejuice (who I was obsessed with as a child). Let’s just say that maintaining your pale, spooky pallor while doing long distance riding is a challenge.* 🙁

ANYWAYS BACK ON TOPIC.
I went to go retrieve my tire levers and after digging through the bike bag, only found ONE stupid lever. Really? Where did your mate go? You were clipped together and now you are single. What did you do, to make her run away??

Everything in the bag was sticky from either a gel pack or chamois creme explosion. ewww stiickyyy

Everything in the bag was sticky from either a gel pack or chamois creme explosion. ewww stiickyyy

After liberating the tube and inspecting it, no hole could be found. I therefore decided to be clever and see if I could find it after submerging it under water.

I cleaned my sink before taking this picture. It's still filthy but uhh

I cleaned my sink before taking this picture. It’s still filthy but uhh

THIS IS WHY MY SINK IS SO MESSY. Also, do not confuse this cat as a tire tube. This is a cat.

THIS IS WHY MY SINK IS SO MESSY. Also, do not confuse this cat as a tire tube. This is a cat.

Turns out I have no sink stopper. After shoveling a washcloth in there, I submerged the tube. Nothing happened. I squeezed, I tried everything I could think of. I did not try dish soap, as the ehow article (which I looked at AFTER), suggests.

So NOW I decided this tube was no longer trustworthy, since it wasn’t going to give up it’s secrets. Time to find another tube! Off to …. the Box of misfit bike stuff!

Your hand may enter... but will it come back out ALIVE?

Your hand may enter… but will it come back out ALIVE?

So all my bike related stuff has been gently, lovingly, carefully placed into a box. And by all those words, I mean haphazardly chucked in. So after rummaging around a bit, I found a damn spare tube.

And managed to effectively (time will tell) re instate the tire. We’ll see. I expect it to be flat in the morning. And let me tell you, those last 5 inches of re seeding the tire sucks. I normally use my feminine wiles to lure a man over here to do that for me but I was hellbent on getting this done myself.

I’m going to repost this article on the Seven Problems You Can’t Hear or Feel for bikes as a PSA.

* I was at the hairdresser the other day and we decided on lightening my hair color from goth-girl black to something more ‘warm’ for my face (as you age, darker hair color on pale white-person skin will make you look older). Hairdresser goes “the lighter color will really bring out your cute freckles!”

I was like ‘THOSE ARE NOT FRECKLES, THOSE ARE AGE SPOTS (aka sun damage)’.
She responds with “Well, we’ll just call them freckles”

asd;lfkajsd;lfkj MOAR SUNBLOCK PLEEZE

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