I tried to do the swim/bike portion of triathlon training today and had an utter and complete fail.
Since I couldn’t get my butt out of bed this morning to train with the team, I thought I could be clever and go later in the day.
Well!! Sequence of events:
1. Get to the beach, water looks calm. Putting on my wetsuit, bend over and I hear that horrible tearing noise that NO woman wants to hear – a giant gaping hole just tore open in the back of my wetsuit.
2. Now feeling incredibly fat and self conscious, I peel off the destroyed wetsuit and decide NOT to give up, but go try to swim anyways. I go wade into the water. Feels nice!
3. This part of the story can be shown via pictures (courtesy of Jason Hullinger). GIGANTIC WAVES that were NOT there a few minutes ago now started swelling up from the ocean. I got bitch slapped left and right trying to get past the breakers. Click on the pics below to see larger versions of my misery and shame.
4. I dragged my body out of the ocean and after coughing out some water and trying to drain my ears, decided to STILL NOT GIVE UP. I was going to go RIDE MY BIKE.
5. Have you ever tried to squeeze a damp body into bike shorts? Especially as a curvy gal? It doesn’t work, OK?? SO instead of suffering additional ‘omg I’m a huge fatty who tore my wetsuit’ misery that would occur in trying to wedge into bike shorts, I said ‘EFF IT’ and decided to bike in my sports bra and skimpy bikini bottoms.
Now, I didn’t get honked or hollered at, AT ALL!! How come I get honked at while wearing cycling clothes, but not while mostly naked? I am taking this as a very bad indicator and my self esteem would be shot if I actually cared.
I did 5 miles on the bike, before the soggy sandy saddle up against my barely covered girl bits complained.
A for Effort, D- for work out.
PS I have sand in my ear 🙁
PPS Please fund my shameful day by donating to the LA Children’s Hospital Oncology division. If it makes you pity me any further, my thyroidectomy scar hurt like a BIOTCH today, too.