rock the booty biking shorts, work that tan line, y0!

Aight now this post is gonna be about cycling shorts. Not in a review-way, I’ll review specific brands and types later.

Ladies (and I think, gents), NO underwear with your cycling shorts, k? That causes extra friction, and your girl bits, they don’t like fabric rubbin up and rubbin raw.

Cycling shorts (and cycling bibs, which are more for doods who don’t have hips to hold up their shorts) are generally a spandex-y material that death grips your thighs (and makes your inner thighs bulge) and has a chamois (butt padding) insert.

Make sure padding covers your seat bones

Now cheap cycling shorts are going to have a thin chamois. Notice that your biking saddle is HARD? It SHOULD be very firm – if you sink down in your saddle, you will cut off blood circulation on long rides. My daily commuter bike has a plushy bum happy saddle. That is cuz I don’t ride more than a few miles on it. My touring bike has a freakin’ hard saddle (with a nice cut out so the girl bits can ‘fly with the wind’, if you will) so I wear my shorts with a rad GEL chamois (I really dig the gel) or a super padded one.

Also, you can smear your chamois cream (ie. BUTT’r) all up on that pad. PLEASE PLEASE you MUST wash those shorts after each wear!! And don’t loaf around in them after a ride – wash that germy noise!!

Now, I am generally adverse to tanning, but when you are on a 50+ mile ride, what you gonna do? TAN THOSE LEGS, GIRLS AND BOYS!

Sure, still put some sunblock on, but roll up those shorts as high as you are willing, and let the all over leg tan go. Even my guy friend rolled up his shorts to his ‘boxer short line’ so he wouldn’t have a weird tan line to freak out whatever sexy ladies end up in his bed.

BAD for tanning

Now, I DO try to buy the bootiest booty cycling shorts out there, but sometimes they are hard to find with a good lining. That is when you can just do the roll up technique. Don’t feel self conscious about having your thighs all hang out, cellulite and varicose veins. You only live once, ladies. And tanning helps hide imperfections. This way, you are doing TWO things at once:
1. Cycling your way to sexier legs
2. Tanning your way to sexier legs

Now, FYI, you may get honked and/or holla’d at. That is a good thing. It means your legs are being appreciated. Please note this may not apply to guys, but I will honk/holla at sexy biker guys. Ladies, do not be afraid to holla at hot men. Make them feel appreciated.

OK so here is the lesson – when choosing shorts, ensure that you choose first and foremost for comfort while cycling at the distance you want to cycle. You can always roll up later to get those sexy gams even sexier. And don’t forget the sunblock!!

clothing is generally not optional

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Time limit is exhausted. Please reload the CAPTCHA.